How To Survive a Zombie Attack this Halloween

Special to the Parade

Halloween is just around the corner… and the folks at CPL Retail Energy have their costumes ready and are honing their survival skills against zombies as they tune in one of their favorite shows, AMC’s “The Walking Dead.” So CPL employees put their heads together, literally picking them off the floor, to help pass on some basic survival skills, in case of a zombie apocalypse.

First, you’ll need to recognize said creatures. Then, you’ll need to spot any subtle infiltrations by them.

You’ve seen zombies, maybe taking the form of your spouse or children, before… undead corpses dragging their feet as they enter the home, moaning unintelligible garble and seemingly zapped of all energy. They stagger in, turning on lights and appliances. Then, they go for the kill – they open the refrigerator door and blankly stare for minutes on end.

Yes, you have guessed it. You’ve been caught up in the apocalypse of the undead. These zombies are of another breed. Mostly, they suffer from boredom and a lack of knowledge about energy conservancy.

But victory can be yours. Allow them to learn about energy conservation while having fun:

Then there are the subtle infiltrations that make you believe all is well, but then attack when you receive your monthly electricity bill.

If your DVD player has that evil green or red glow, even when you’ve turned it off, then you are in the midst of a zombie attack. If your cell phone or iPod stays plugged into its charger after it has finished charging, then zombie electronics have infiltrated your home.

And, if you set your computer to “sleep mode,” trust us, it’s not sleeping. It’s devouring energy and it’s costing you money.

Zombie electronics have worked their way into homes across the country. They are infecting our electric bills and their insatiable appetites are eating our budget. According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency and the U.S. Department of Energy, 75 percent of the electricity used to power home electronics and appliances is consumed while the products are turned off. In each U.S. home, some 10 to 50 zombie devices are accumulating about 10 percent of your electric bill.

It’s time for us to stand our ground and fight back against zombie attacks!

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