SPRING BREAK JOURNAL; ENTRY: 3,991 – A kid from Nebraska said, “He” flew five of his friends to South Padre last night. It makes me wonder how come I didn’t have friends like that when I was in college? Better question: How can I become friends with his parents now?
SPRING BREAK JOURNAL; ENTRY: 6,395 – I was quite stoked about getting all this free stuff from marketers/promoters during Spring Break like a year’s supply of shaving razors, a week’s supply of energy drinks and what may be a lifetime supply of sunblock only to find that the razors struggled to cut through my Spring Break beard, the energy drinks made feel even more exhausted and my shoulders look like I doused them with lighter fluid and proceeded to throw a lit match on them… Serves me right, I guess.
SPRING BREAK JOURNAL; ENTRY: 9,548 – Forget about Pantene, sun block SPF 30 is doing wonders for my hair.
SPRING BREAK JOURNAL; ENTRY: 7,133 – I’m all but certain that techno music has melted certain portions of my brain.
SPRING BREAK JOURNAL; ENTRY: 1,218 – If you’re between 20-30 years of age, find yourself in a raucous beach party and a stranger walks up to you with a cup full of a Kool-Aid-type substance and you decide to drink it – I don’t think I’m going out on a limb by saying that your future may be a struggle made up of ill-fated decisions and regret.
SPRING BREAK JOURNAL; ENTRY: 6,710 – I’m starting to realize that the reason all these Spring Breakers are being so nice to me is because they probably think I’m some kind of homeless lunatic running around asking random Spring Break-related questions and snapping photographs. One kid even pulled out a dollar and tried giving it to me.
SPRING BREAK JOURNAL; ENTRY: 4,687 – You know you’re exhausted when you’re walking along Parade Blvd. and you suddenly start crying like a 12-year-old girl upon hearing the Eagles’ Hotel California blurring from a passing car.
SPRING BREAK JOURNAL; ENTRY: 3,104 – Walking through Coca-Cola day after day, I don’t understand how I haven’t contracted a staph infection by now.
SPRING BREAK JOURNAL; ENTRY: 9,531 – I can’t believe it. Spring Break is almost over and I haven’t heard YOLO once this year.
SPRING BREAK JOURNAL; ENTRY: 7,730 – Texas Week is over and I’m still in one piece. It was a good week!
SPRING BREAK JOURNAL; ENTRY: 8,555 – Now that the adrenaline has worn off, I’m so exhausted. This morning that while at the gym I fell asleep in the plank position with my butt in the air and my face on the mat. The trainer came by to ask me if I was okay. I think he thought he had the first recorded case of death-by-plank on his hands.